IDENTITY

So recently I’ve been asked on a few dates and this brings up the whole series of situations that being a on a same sex date might differ from being on a date with someone of the opposite sex.

The first that always seems to come up is who will pay? I feel the relevance of this question is slowly going away as even in the heterosexual world, the concept of men always paying for dates is going away. From personal experience and discussions with friends it seems to be the best option to have each person pay for a dinner. A way to be a bit romantic and not break the bank is to offer to pay for the other persons dinner and they pay for yours. The idea of paying for your own food is also widely accepted. The main thing you need to do is discuss with them how the situation is going to work out, instead of waiting for that awkward moment when the server sets the check down in between you. Also some things you might want to take into consideration is if one person has to travel to the date. If one person is traveling significantly farther and you are going to dinner and a movie, plan ahead and have the person traveling pay for the cheaper part of the date.

Now that you have figured out the messy business of money, it’s time to make the hard decision on where to go? Some things you might want to factor in when deciding what trendy area do you want to take your date to. Do you know any businesses that are owned and operated by LGBTQ persons? If so these make excellent places to take your date because it is highly probable that no one will take issue with you flirting it up with the cutie across the table. If you are not sure then either ask some of your friends for recommendations or think of places you like to go where you feel comfortable. Slight key here, if you feel comfortable there, then you will probably feel comfortable with your date also.

Now here comes messy part of the date part 2.5, closets and catastrophes. An important question maybe become how open both you and they are about your respective sexual identities. If you are trying to date a person who is completely in the closet then going to a place where tons of people you know might be or going to a restaurant that blinds your eyes with rainbows might not set the mood and might be spoil a recipe for the perfect date.  So while talking to this person, or your friend who is setting you two up, try and figure out where they stand in relation to the closet door and also factor in your position.

What if it’s a blind date???? Well this is a pretty simple one actually, choose what you like. There is a very simple reason for this, if the person isn’t comfortable with some of the choices you are making when they are as minor as a restaurant or café, then how comfortable will they be with some of your other preferences in your life? Now I’m not saying show up in your favorite video game t-shirt with the soda stains on it and a pair of ill fitting jeans while inviting them out to some dive bar for wings, but the local Italian place you go to with your friends or family will probably work out fine.

OMG I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As weird as it sounds sometimes even the straightest of guys will debate his clothing choice and probably spend 10 minutes on his hair and an hour fixing it. Here is the best idea, think about your age and then consider the places you are going. If you are a younger teen going to the mall food court and the movies then a nice polo and newer jeans will look great. For the teen to college years, a dress shirt dressed down with a graphic t-shirt underneath and jeans is fine for casual dates and stepping it up with a nice button down shirt and some slightly dressed up pants might be the better choice for more fanciful dates. After college and early in your professional life most casual dates should follow the footsteps of the dressed up college date, and non casual dates should be a suit relaxed down, so take off the tie and maybe swap the shirt you wore at the office with something that has a splash of color in it. Also final tip, hair gel, cologne, facial hair, spray tanning: all good things, in moderation. No one finds it attractive when it looks like your hair was super glued in place, you smell like you just went swimming in Giorgio Armani’s homme d’aqua, the color of a tangerine and has the face of a Wookie.

So are these the only answers, no not even slightly. However these are some fun personal tips that I have found extremely helpful in my life and hope are helpful in yours.

Bon Chance (Good Luck)
~ Tomas ~